Words

Recently, people have told me:

I am PROUD of you!

You are so STRONG!

I wish I could have done the SAME!

You are incredibly BRAVE!

The best I can say is that I've loved honestly and spoke truthfully.

Super duper!

Super moon! Sometimes just a sight fills me with gratitude! I left the birthday party of two spectacular friends early this evening feeling loved and supported from familiar faces and unexpected ones as well. This was the view on the ride home. 

Thankful tonight for beauty in the world around me and for the women who keep me strong!

Where'd those come from?

Today, I grew a pair! 

...or...maybe I got mad or sad or frustrated enough to stand up for me. Same thing, right?

I gave myself worth is what is really important. I often wait-for reaction, response, or just for the first move. Today I made a move! And it crushed me and it hurts but I was standing up for myself and what I deserve.

Today I am grateful for the gym and what it allows me to do mentally and physically. I am also forever grateful to Morgan for always having encouraging words and supporting me through everything! When all else fails she is there!

Feeling new..

I've had some time, and been forced in some cases, to take a look around and within these past few days! 

Something that I know and believe but fail to practice most of the time is self love. I am my worst critic and am usually the first to let you know my faults and everything wrong about me. 

A shallow but quick start happens by looking in the mirror. A wedding planning meeting yesterday kicked my motivation into gear and got me excited about using my skills and putting them on display. Today I got an overdue haircut, put on make-up to run errands, found a dress for the wedding an generally felt beautiful!!

This evening I got a jump on the visual plan of the food so that others will be able to follow and help out! I did the math to stretch the recipes for the huge guest list and I started the shopping list.

Flipping back through "The Happiness Project" which I read a few years ago I made a list of some reminders and strategies to increase happiness. I think it will help my awareness to check these things daily and keep a gratitude journal to remember what's really important and try to be more positive.

I have been miserable, not only inside but outwardly people have felt it and relationships have suffered. I need to change and I need change.

Ironic...

..but not really.

To randomly find myself back here, filled with thoughts, and unsure of how to express them, one year exactly from my last post.

Words that I have shared, part of me that I have given so freely in the past, haunt me today. I have come to fear the expression that I have so many times taken for granted.

A past that I left so long ago is revived and is cause for discussion, contemplation and conflict.

A recurring question, asked once again..impatience awaits a decision. But how to choose?

Punishment, between friends torn apart for the wrong reasons.

You should know...

that I miss you. That's all.

5 Years and a lot of firsts!

Five years ago today, inspired by a commencement address by former president Bill Clinton, I graduated from THE Ohio State University (with 7000 others), had a delicious send-off dinner and GIANT margarita at El Vaquero with my parents, then drove 1500 miles with my momma to Steamboat Springs, CO. What a wild ride it has been! Here are some flashbacks of my lengthy vacation in paradise!

First..I could not have made it without this little lady by my side! She began as a city dog in a tiny apartment but has really proven herself as a mountain dog since we've been here! She has been on a lot of grueling hikes, approached many climbs (even made it up 30" of a 5.9ish climb herself once), rode in boats, camped and enjoyed walks and wrestling with other dogs!

Lucy enjoys some late season snow on a hike to Devil's Causeway in Summer 2011 - her 2nd time there!

While I moved to Colorado because it has been a dream since I was about 12 to live in the mountains, I live in Steamboat Springs because of this guy! I was scouting schools in the state when I was in the right place at the right time to meet his mom and come out with a job for the summer as his 1 on 1 at summer camp. With this opportunity before me I immediately began looking for jobs in town and the rest is history! **BONUS!!** 5 years later, I get to be Jack's teacher in 7th grade!!

Thanks, Jack, for being you and for giving me a direction to follow!

Following my summer with Jack, I started my first teaching job at Steamboat Springs High School in the fall of 2007. I was a ninth grade resource teacher supporting 8-12 students with moderate needs along with their peers in an inclusive setting. High school was not my first choice but once I was there I loved the kids, my friends on staff, and going to work every day!

This was at Prom 2008 with a few other teachers.

The non-teaching world thinks teachers have it made with their ridiculously long ten week summer vacation. As a rookie I must have thought the same so in thinking that I would be bored with the whole summer off, I got a job. **Later I learned that after 180 contact days where you don't get to leave your work at work like most people do...YOU TAKE THE SUMMER OFF!! However, I did it right and found a job that I love, with people (a second family) that I love even more!! I still work there during the summer, after school some days, and definitely on weddings and holidays when it gets crazy in the kitchen.

Tom & I being "Drunken" Onions working away at the Drunken Onion while the bossman is off skiing the first snowfall of the season! He bragged, we drank!

After three years at the high school I lost my job due to major budget cuts that hit our little district pretty hard. Once again in the right place at the right time my friend was looking for some help. As a musician, public speaker, and first time author with his book just released, he was looking for a manager to help plan a tour. I had the chance to work with him for about six months and in addition to various short events, planned a six week book tour on the East coast. We road tripped, did book signings, performances and speaking engagements from Richmond, VA up to Toronto, ON.

"No Hands Dan" Caro playing with Broad Street Band in Maine

In my time in Steamboat Springs I have also had the privelage to volunteer much of my time with a local organization called STARS - Steamboat Adaptive Recreational Sports. My year off from teaching left me with plenty of time during the day to use my educational background skiing with adaptive skiers. With my background in education and knowledge of behavior and disability I received many calls and requests and I even have a few regulars now.

Today I trained on various hand-bikes including this mountain handbike! I've also trained on bi-skis, mono-skis and will be doing an adaptive waterski training soon.

This year I was fortunate enough to be considered for a long-term substitute position in severe needs at the middle school. After teaching for most of the year I have been asked to stay for next year. Finally I am feeling some structure again..normal..the pieces are falling back into place and I am happier every day!

My class meeting Duncan and Bear the safety dog on our ski day at the mountain!





Outside of the job world I have also picked up a few new hobbies and activities since the big move! Here's to all my firsts!!

Since I have lived here I have learned to rock climb and even ice climbed once. I also rapelled down a high flowing waterfall. I have had a ski pass every year that started as a new sport and blossomed into volunteer opportunities and new friends. 

 Inspired by friends who dance and my love of music I auditioned for a local dance performance that raises money for dance scholarships and school dance education programs. I have performed in the production for three years!

Through skiing I have had the opportunity to take students on a weekend hut trip in the backcountry to a 10th mountain division hut over easter weekend and I also learned to ride the ski bike.

I took a chance on politics and became one of the faces and voices of the campaign through news and radio ads.
I also performed a very emotional piece this year in the Vagina Monologues to raise awareness for battered women and children and to raise money for Haiti and post-Katrina New Orleans. 

I worked as a counselor at a camp for teens living with Epilepsy for two years and made some life long friends and now am an instructor at Camp Invention this summer with primary aged kids. This year was my very first raft trip for a dear friend's 30th birthday. I've also done a little cliff jumping since I've been here - I can handle hanging off a 500ft rock by a skinny rope but jumping off anything terrifies me.

 

I have also gotten into mountain biking in the last year and was riding pretty well until there was a crash and a surgery. I am happily back on the bike and pushing it hard to try and get back to where I was. Unfortunately, the only pictures I have with a bike also include police, EMTs and an ambulance. We'll pass on those!

Overall, I've had a lot of firsts in my time here and I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting. There will certainly be more to come because I'm not done yet! Taking a chance and leaving my comfort zone has been the best thing I have ever done for myself! I have experienced so much growth through the challenges I have given myself and those that were unexpected. The people I have met, the friends I have made, and the experiences I have had get all the credit for who I am today and I wouldn't trade this life! I am so fortunate for all I have!