From the comfort of my couch...

I realized something about myself today. I find comfort in my couch.

Yes, duh, I am aware that the couch is a place of comfort for most people otherwise we would all be watching tv from bar stools or dining chairs.

I am speaking of the safety and feeling of home I find in my couch. I heard a few months back that lonely people take comfort in the couch because the cushions take you in as though you are being held. I laughed..paused..and quickly agreed as I had been spending a large part of my time sleeping and lounging on the couch due to stress from my job, relationship and the puzzle of life.

It was not until tonight that I realized the roots of this behavior. Growing up with a very sick brother took its toll on my childhood. Watching my parents work more than full time, take care of one sick child and two other goofy ones, and still make a normal life for all of us was exhausting and inspiring. While home my brother spent much of his life on the couch. Our lives revolved around that couch, in that living room, we spent our together time there. After he was gone the couch remained, a silent symbol of the safety of home.

A few years later in a different home, with the same couch, my world and the safe comforts of home were violated. My life moved to the couch. I stopped sleeping in my bedroom and it became a nightly routine to fall asleep to the tv while on that couch. It was in the center of the house. It was home.

Over the years and since I left home the couches changed but I stayed the same. As relationships ended, I found myself looking for comfort and spending time sleeping in the hug of my couch until I am ready to move on. After the stressful loss of my job, the couch was my reassuring embrace. The loss of loved ones brings me home to the same place. I have found that growth or closure after each loss brings me back to restfully sleeping in my bed again. The sleepless nights send me back to the couch.

On this Christmas night, from the comfort of my couch I say...
It's time for BED!