Lately I've been going back and forth in my mind with whether or not I am on the right track. I know I am good at my job and I feel effective and like each day I am making a difference. I have many ideas and very little time to execute them so I am always wishing I could do more. Most of the time I am hoping to have an opportunity to keep this job and make it my own over time and I can't dream of leaving and starting new somewhere else.
But..then I think that I am just a big chicken trying to hold on to what is comfortable and familiar. Why not run with the opportunity now while I am not tied down in any way? That's a scary thought. I did it once before. I graduated from college and moved halfway across the country with just one friend. I left everything I knew to come here and start fresh. It felt amazing!
Is it enough? Loving the town, the people, the surrounding natural paradise and what all of it has helped me grow to become over the past five years. Are these reasons enough to keep me here or just perfect examples of what a fresh start can do for me? I read this article the other day and while it is a little crude and was even for me slightly uncomfortable to read, it opened my eyes. What am I afraid of?
In the meantime, while considering whether to stick around or hit the road, I am reminded again about the chaos that is my life. I have a lot of stuff. I have gotten a little better over the years about getting rid of things and since I have lived in 5 long term homes in 5 years I have learned to purge with each move so that there is less to carry. Somehow...I still have the stuff. I talk with myself about sentimental value and the things I might need someday! I finally found the answer from The Minimalists. Josh and Ryan were two young guys making way too much money and finding plenty of reasons to spend it fast..sometimes faster than they were making it. They took an extreme approach to minimalism over a 21 day period so check out their journey. I was inspired reading about it and I'm not sure I'm as committed but if I could get half as far as they have gone I would be happy with myself.
Who knows where I am supposed to be. For now, I am taking the lazy way out and waiting to see what my current situation holds. The decision on my job should be confirmed this week so that will be a good jumping off point of what to do next. Perhaps it will even answer this looming question for me. We'll see...
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